“It’s just like a darkness. As soon as they’ve gone, there’s just nothing…”
“…you don’t hear anything, so it’s really odd. It’s just like you’re in a bit of a limbo for a very long time.” NatCen report, February 2025
Beth*, the spouse of a submariner, is one of many, enduring long separations, little-to-no communication, and mental health challenges that come hand-in-hand with supporting this vital role within our armed forces.
Communication complication
For some with a serving partner on a Vanguard-class submarine, radio silence can be part of the job for more than half the year apart from a weekly ‘familygram’: a 120-word censored message from their designated family member. There is no regular phone call. There is no FaceTime. There is no return letter.
Personnel and families can experience poor mental health and emotional strain due to unpredictability, frustration, separation and feeling unprepared for deployment.
Listening to the voices of submariner families
In research we commissioned into the needs of the Royal Navy submariner community and the impact of separation on family life, The National Centre for Social Research (NatCen) found many families felt inadequate communication was a key element causing negative impact.
The research showed that partners and spouses felt the period running up to deployment was the most challenging. Their serving partner is working long hours. Their stress and anxiety levels can be high. Dates and times might change at the last moment. Saying goodbye is hard; saying goodbye three times in a few days is even harder. One spouse who took part in the research described it as “an emotional rollercoaster of sadness, hope and disappointment”.
Moving forward
But thanks to the input from this community of non-serving partners, things can improve.
In March this year, we awarded £368,500 to Royal Navy & Royal Marines Charity (RNRMC) to support submariner families in the West of Scotland. Forming part of our Apart, Not Alone portfolio, funding will enable RNRMC to bring organisations together to improve mental health and wellbeing – fostering community connection and enhancing social support. A local team will work alongside community partners to provide tailored services based on the needs of families in this area.
Mandy Lindley, Director of Relationships and Funding at RNRMC, said: “We are extremely proud to receive this funding from the Armed Forces Covenant Fund Trust. With their support, we can better serve our Submariner families, ensuring they are connected, supported, and empowered during what can often be an isolating experience.”
Supporting all types of family
We’re prioritising support for this community as part of our three-year funding strategy. The impact of separation on family life – whether spouse and children, long-term partner, parents, and all the other wonderful shapes and sizes that families come in – matters greatly.
Anna Wright, our CEO, said: “With the UK’s submarine capability front and centre of the Strategic Defence Review, the right place-based support for the personnel and families around it has perhaps never been so important – and we’re delighted that the Covenant Fund is playing its part. This project will build a framework of vital support and connection, helping families build resilience and feel less alone.”
Apart, not alone
We encourage you to readthe research we’ve commissioned. Immerse yourself in the real-life experiences of those on the front-line of this difficult life. Then think about what you can do to support serving communities facing separation.
Our Apart, Not Alone programme is currently accepting applications for funding. This year, there are two ways you can apply.
Hot on the heels of the award to RNRMC, charities and local authorities can apply for up to £300,000 through our Apart, Not Alone: Local Impact Grants. This funding supports serving families facing separation who are experiencing unique challenges due to their posting location. Full details are available on our Apart, not Alone programme page.
Organisations, including armed forces units and bases can apply to our main Apart, Not Alone programme for grants up to £25,000 or £50,000 depending on eligibility.
You can find out more about RNRMC’s work in West Scotland on their website www.rnrmc.org.uk
[*names have been changed to preserve anonymity]